The Light Within You
by Solo505
Summary: You are just a nurse in a small town on an insignificant planet, content with your menial life, until one day you get caught up in the fight between the Resistance and the First Order. When you get kidnapped by Kylo Ren, you realise that you are no longer insignificant - but will you take advantage of the opportunity you are given? Kylo Ren/You (OC)
1. Chapter 1

**Note:** This is my first upload on here. Hope you enjoy it and let me know what you think in the comments :)

You lived in a small town on a small planet that was far from anything too significant.

It was a peaceful corner of the universe, one, which you had never left in your life. You didn't need to; your life was there with your family and your mentor, Dr Fodao, who had taken you under his wing after you had finished your nurse training six months ago. Your parents, Seyda and Evir Darmal, were both part of the Resistance and seen some battles in the past but now mostly helped with recruitment and training. Your brother, Jarik, was a pilot in training for the Resistance.

The small town you lived in was a Resistance stronghold even though it was insignificant, so you had always grown up as one of them, surrounded by them. But you hated the war above all. It had started only a year ago, but even before then you had heard countless reports of unrest and civilians getting killed by Stormtroopers. The full blown war only started when the Resistance finally decided to launch a full scale attack against the First Order, which was terrorising the galaxies. But of course it was just the latest battle in the long war of light versus dark. It was like General Organa always said; the war between light and dark side was always there, in the background, even during the mostly peaceful times.

You recognised her words and understood that a struggle between the light and dark side was always going to be going on in some part of the galaxy, but it didn't make you hate the war any less. The war had already claimed far too many innocent lives and you had to fear for your brother every single day. He was still in training but you all knew that because pilots were a crucial part of the Resistance troops, he could be sent out to battle any day.

Even though the constant bloodshed was not part of your fairly peaceful everyday life, you had heard enough about the horrors of battlefield from injured fighters returning home as well as your were constantly getting updates from the headquarters, worrying about the war and trying to come up with ways to be useful without having to go to the front line, which was understandable at their were perfectly happy caring for the injured who had returned under Dr Fodao's guidance and helping the local children and elderly with their everyday ailments.

You had no interest in working directly for the Resistance, aiding in their war and taking your skills to the front line. Fodao had never pushed for it, although he had mentioned once that your skills could be put to better use in a field hospital or even in the headquarters. It was because he knew the one thing about you you mostly kept to yourself; you were force sensitive, but only slightly. You could sometimes feel the force shift, but you knew it wasn't very strong in you, most definitely not strong enough to work miracles. And you hadn't even been trained in using it, nor did you want to. Dr Fodao thought your force sensitivity was why you were such a natural healer and there had been times you had been able to channel a tiny bit of force to aid with the healing process, but you didn't think too highly of your skills. Dr Fodao also knew about your dislike of the war and so he never pushed you to join the Resistance ranks, though he did think that you could have helped save lives on the battlefield.

You weren't interested in going out there to see the devastation and bloodshed. But of course, the war was everywhere and you couldn't avoid it forever. One evening after a hard day of work as a flu epidemic had taken over half the children of the town it seemed, your parents got an urgent message from the headquarters. The First Order had landed on your insignificant planet and your town was their target.

You knew what you had to do. Dr Fodao had told you to get to the hospital as soon as possible if there ever was an attack on the town. It had always seemed so unlikely, such a distant possibility, but now it was happening. Your parents were horrified, but it didn't take long for your father to organise some veteran fighters to go defend the city. The few Resistance guards in the city as well as some of the injured took part in the fight that none of them had expected.

"I can't believe you will leave me as well. But Dr Fodao needs you. All I hope is that both you and your father come home at the end of all this," your mother said, tears in her eyes, as she saw you preparing to leave the house in your nurse's uniform.

"I'm sorry I have to go. But like you said, I'm needed. I always hoped this day would never come," you said as you were doing your shoe laces.

"So did I. But here it is, the war is now right at our doorstep."

You hugged your mum, picked up your first aid kit and left the house, not at all certain what to expect. When you stepped outside, everything seemed surprisingly calm. You could hear noises in the distance, shouts and screams and blasters, but they all seemed miles away. Your street was not in the middle of it all, it was calm and there wasn't a soul in sight. The battle somewhere in the distance still felt unreal to you.

You started making your way towards the hospital the same way you usually did.

When you reached the street leading to the main square of the small town, the voices grew louder and you could see an orange glow. You walked towards the square and were lucky enough to reach view of it before you ran into any Stormtroopers.

The sight on front of you was like from your worst nightmares. A building was on fire, lighting the scene with eerie orange glow. There were resistance fighters and Stormtroopers running across the square, the latter shooting at anything that was moving. You couldn't believe that what was in front of you was really happening.

You turned away and quickly found your way to a quiet small street few blocks away from the battle scene. You realised that to get safely to the hospital you would need to avoid all the central locations through which you usually walked. It meant that your journey would almost double in length but it was what you had to do.

The streets were empty, as everyone who was not taking part in the fighting was hiding in their homes. There were no lights in any of the windows, as if everyone was trying to disappear into the shadows, unnoticed, not to draw attention to themselves. If you couldn't have heard the constant sounds of fighting, the screams of pain and the blasters going off, you could have imagined you were walking through a ghost town because of how quiet everything was.

Most of the people huddled in their homes in fear, hoping not to catch the eye of the enemy, had no reason to be afraid, you thought to yourself. They were innocent bystanders. Then again, First Order was not known to care about taking the lives of the innocent, so it made sense to try hide. But most of the houses held families, children, elderly, people who had nothing to do with the Resistance or the ongoing war. People who just wanted to live their insignificant lives in peace. You felt sorry for them for having to go through this, having to hide and fear for their lives.

You couldn't understand why the First Order would want to disturb the piece of your town. There was nothing significant there, just people going about their lives. Even though it was a town supportive of the Resistance, it wasn't an important base and no one too important or crucial would be in such a small town when there was a war going on. They were all on bases or on missions, not spending time in a meaningless little town.

You got to walk undisturbed and in your thoughts for quite awhile, trying to stay as far from the sounds of battle as you deemed necessary. Your thoughts were, however, disturbed by a man walking towards you. He had come from the direction of the fight. He was clenching his right arm, which was covered in blood. There was a desperate look in his face, but you could see a spark in his eyes when he noticed you.

"Nurse!" he exclaimed with a hoarse voice. You smiled at him encouragingly.

"Do you need help?" you asked, even though it was obvious that the man was in need of medical attention. He nodded and walked over to you wearily. You guided him to sit down on steps leading up to a building on the street.

You helped the man get off his jacket, which was sticking to his skin from the blood. You could see the wound properly now, the fresh, red blood glistening under the streetlamp. You felt a little nauseous looking at the wound. It was very wide and extremely deep, worse than anything you had ever seen before, still seeping with blood. You weren't used to seeing such fresh injuries, as you mostly treated people who had seen battle days or weeks ago. This man had been in a battle just moments ago.

You recognised burn markings around the wound and wondered what had caused such a terrible wound. You tried to calm yourself by taking in a deep breath. You could do this, you could help this man. This was what you were trained for, even if you had never planned on becoming a field nurse.

"What caused this?" you asked, curious, as you opened your first aid kid. You poured some wound sanitizer on a cotton wipe and started very carefully to clean up the wound. The man winced from the touch of alcohol on the wound, although you did try to be as gentle as possible.

"It was Kylo Ren," he said, his face very serious.

Kylo Ren? Why was he there? You could somehow, although with difficulty, imagine a bunch of Stormtroopers to be sent to raid the town but why would Kylo Ren himself bother to come there? There must have been something going on you didn't know about, something your parents never mentioned to you.

You continued to clean the wound and the more time you spend working on it, the more you realised how serious it was. The wound was extremely deep, which made it very difficult to clean. It was the kind of wound that could possibly lead to the man losing his arm, if it got infected and with the amount of ash in it, it seemed like a possibility.

You thought back to what Dr Fodao had said to you about your natural tendency towards healing. Maybe that tiny bit of Force you were able to tap into could help you. Maybe this was the moment you could help save someone with your powers, even if they weren't very defined or strong.

You closed your eyes and cleared your mind. You focused on your breathing to close out the world around you. You tried to feel the Force, to find it inside you. You could see its aura, you thought back to the wound. Heal, I need to heal this wound, you thought.

"What was that?" the man asked, making you snap back to the present. You opened your eyes to look at him.

"Did you feel something?" you asked. The man nodded. You took a look at the wound. It was still very wide, but it seemed to have become less deep. It was still bloody and there wasn't a massive change, but you had managed to heal it a little, just enough to make it less likely the man would lose his arm. You smiled to yourself.

"How does it feel?" you asked as you started wrapping the wound up, making sure there was enough pressure on it.

"Better," the man said, looking a little confused as to how his arm had suddenly stopped throbbing so terribly.

"Why is Kylo Ren here?" you asked then, your thoughts drifting back to how the man had gained the wound.

"I don't know. I was on my way to somewhere else, but General Organa told me to come here because First Order had attacked. That's all I know. No one knew then that Kylo Ren was going to be here," the man told you.

You finished wrapping the wound. Kylo Ren's presence did seem to be quite the mystery, if not even the Resistance had expected him to come there, you thought to yourself with a frown. Then you heard footsteps. A swoosh. It sounded like how you had always imagined a lightsaber would sound. You had never actually heard one, so you told yourself you could be mistaken, because there was no one there who had one… No one except Kylo Ren.

You looked up, your heart racing at the anticipation of seeing the feared leader of the First Order. When your eyes met him, you felt your heart jump up to your throat. It really was him. It really was Kylo Ren.

He was towering over you, although he was standing a few feet back. He was very tall, dressed in all black and a long black cape. Under the hood, he was wearing a mask, which made him look inhumane. That was how he had always seemed to you, a monster, not a human at all.

You felt a wave of panic take you over as the man behind the mask inspected you. What could he possibly want from you? His glowing red light saber was by his side, adding to your fears. It would have been very easy for him to just slice through you with it.

"Who are you?" Kylo Ren asked, his voice distorted by the mask.

"I-I'm no one. No one important. I'm just a nurse!" you pleaded, your fear clear in your voice.

"WHO ARE YOU?" Kylo Ren demanded.

"I-I-I..." you sobbed, tears running down your cheeks. Panic had taken over you. You couldn't form a coherent sentence.

Kylo Ren took a step forward, bent down and grabbed you by the collar. He lifted you up and pushed you against the wall, his hand on your throat. You were sure you had never been more terrified in your life.

"For the last time, what is your name?" he asked.

You told him your name, the words coming out as a hoarse whisper as his grip on your throat tightened.

"Are you the one who used the Force?" he asked, his masked face getting closer to yours.

You didn't say anything.

"Alright then, don't tell me. But there aren't a lot of people around here so it seems quite obvious it was you. I could feel it, someone using the Force," Kylo Ren said.

"Why are you here?" you asked. The pressure on your throat was making your eyes tear up.

"There was a rumour that Poe Dameron had come to hide here. There has been no sign of him, but maybe I have something quite valuable in you…" he said, his synthesised voice menacing.

"Me?" you said. He let go of you and you fell on the ground painfully.

"Yes, you," Kylo Ren said, before the world went completely black around you.


	2. Chapter 2

You woke up with a throbbing headache. When you opened your eyes, you felt blinded by the whiteness of the room you were in. For a minute you didn't remember what had happened and you thought the white room was just a dream. Or maybe you had died and this was heaven.

But then you noticed your wrists were tightly tied to a chair with wide leather straps and so were your ankles. This was definitely not heaven and unfortunately, it was also not a dream. You looked around you only to find that the room was completely empty besides the chair you were tied to.

It felt like an eternity before the door in front of you suddenly swooshed open and a man dressed in black entered. It was Kylo Ren. His tall, intimidating figure made your heart jump in fear. The situation started dawning on your groggy mind. You were his prisoner. There was no escape. He could do anything to you and all you could do was take it.

"I see you're awake finally," Kylo said, his deep voice still distorted by the mask he was wearing. You wondered for a moment what he would sound like without his helmet, but then you remembered the seriousness of the situation again and your mind concentrated solely on the fear and dread you were feeling.

"Why did you take me?" you asked, your voice very high pitched and a lot more fearful than you would have hoped. You didn't want to show him that you were terrified of him.

"Well, I know your parents fought for the Rebellion and are longstanding supporters of the Resistance. Your brother is also with the Resistance. You come from a town full of Resistance supporters. And you are force sensitive. I think you might prove out to be quite valuable," Kylo said.

"I hate to disappoint you, but I am not a member of the Resistance," you said in the hopes the information would make Kylo let you go. What use could you possibly be to him?

"Are you sure you're not lying? Because if you are, I will find out," Kylo said.

"No, my parents are part of the Resistance and so is my brother, but I am not. I am just a nurse. I am a sympathiser, but I am not part of the organisation and therefore I have no classified information," you said. You were being truthful. Your parents didn't tell you anything important and neither did anyone else.

However, there were a few things you wanted to try keep from Kylo. You knew the location of the base where your brother was doing his training. It was an important pilot base for the Resistance and therefore, something that could be damaging if Kylo did find out. You also didn't want to let him know about your healing ability. It wasn't much, but you thought you were less useful to him if he didn't know much about your force sensitivity.

Suddenly you felt a tug in your mind. Kylo's hand was stretched towards you, as he invaded your mind.

"Show me what you know about the Resistance," he commanded. The command was echoing in your head as he tried to pull out your memories, tried to make you to show them to him.

Pictures of your parents flashed by. Your mother's worried face. Your brother. The joy when he found out he had been accepted into the pilot training programme. Your father talking about the time he had been fighting side by side with General Organa. There was nothing important, though, nothing useful to Kylo.

You concentrated on the memories that had the slightest connection to the Resistance. The last Christmas your brother had been home. He was so cheery, joking around, so unaware of the war that was already going on… Then he hugged you goodbye. He was going to say it. He was going to say where he was going.

You remembered something your mum once told you. Distract yourself. If someone tries to read your mind, you need to distract yourself. Pain is always useful.

So you bit your tongue, hard, and suddenly the image of your brother became red and blurry and his voice muffled. You kept biting down, even though you could taste blood. I have to save my brother, you thought.

Then suddenly he was out of your mind. You felt exhausted.

"You certainly are force sensitive. You have strength that no one who hasn't been trained should have," Kylo said. You saw him unlock his helmet and take it off to reveal his face. It was a face of a young man. His eyes were dark brown, filled with frustration as he looked at you. His hair was quite long, curled and jet black, his skin very pale. A large scar ran across his face.

"You won't be able to keep me out forever," he said. His voice was so much more human now, without his mask. It was deep, but less intimidating.

"I am no use to you," you insisted.

"You know where the major Resistance pilot base is, because that's where your brother is," Kylo said, his eyes piercing through yours like daggers.

"I won't let you find out the location. I can't. My brother is in there," you hissed.

"That's what you think. But you will break eventually."

With that, he left the room.

You were kept in there for days. Every day Kylo would come in and access your mind, trying to find out what you knew, but you kept fighting him back. You were only given water, so you were getting weaker from starvation, but other than that, Kylo didn't harm you in any physical way. He was only trying to lure the location of your brother out of your mind. You were relieved that that was all he did to you, because you had heard some horrific stories of what happened to people who were captured by the First Order. Then again, you weren't anyone especially important. In fact, you were wondering why he even cared about the location of the pilot base so much as to keep you there for such a long time.

A week had passed since you were taken captive. You felt your body aching from being stuck in the same position for so long and you were starving. But when Kylo entered the room, you gathered all your mental strength to defend your memories.

Kylo's face looked a little weary as he entered the room. He stood close to you, too close for your own comfort, but at least he wasn't wearing the hideous mask.

"Why do you care so much about a pilot base?" you asked, tired of him invading your mind.

"You might not know where Poe Dameron is, but surely the people at the biggest pilot base know where one of the best Resistance pilots is," Kylo said.

Before Kylo was able to once again invade your mind and memories, the door opened much to Kylo's surprise. He turned around on his heels quickly to look at the man who had walked in.

"General Hux, what are you doing here?" he asked, clearly annoyed the man had disturbed him.

General Hux's face was full of arrogance.

"I'm here to inform you that the Supreme Leader wishes to speak to you. Why are you wasting your time on this girl?" he asked.

"I am not wasting a lot of time on her and she does have knowledge of the Resistance that would be useful to us," Kylo said.

"But why can't you get it out of her then? You should let me handle her. I am sure I can make her talk very quickly," Hux said with a grin on his face that made you feel incredibly uncomfortable. You did not want to find out how he was planning to make you speak.

"NO! You are not to touch the girl. I can handle her myself," Kylo protested. You were surprised at how insistent he was.

"The Supreme Leader is waiting," Hux pointed out.

"I know," Kylo muttered and the two walked out of the room, leaving you alone to stare at the door that closed behind them.

You thought back to what you had just witnessed. It seemed that you were some kind of a private project for Kylo, as he didn't seem to want Hux to get involved. His words had also made you realise that there were interrogation methods that would have been a lot more effective in getting you speak, which Hux seemed to be an expert of. Invading a prisoner's mind probably worked well in a lot of cases, but Kylo knew by now that his efforts weren't getting anywhere. You realised that you weren't there for the pilot base. There was some a lot more personal reason why Kylo was holding you prisoner, something else, something a lot more important than a pilot base. What it was, you didn't know. But you were convinced that you would eventually find out.

 **Note:** Since I have most of this story written already, I will be posting the chapters fairly quickly. Hope you're enjoying the story. If so, let me know!


	3. Chapter 3

Kylo Ren had thought that when he had killed his father, when his light saber had pierced his body and it had fallen lifeless down, he had also killed the last bit of the light inside him. But he had been wrong. It was still there, the light side, calling out to him. Maybe Hux was right. Maybe it was something he could never completely get rid of.

The moment he had met you he had felt the presence of light in you and it had drawn him to you. He knew that he shouldn't have felt so intrigued, so enchanted by the light in you, but he couldn't help himself. A part of him seemed to always be looking for light, an escape from the dark side and the path he had chosen for himself.

The week he had spent accessing your mind had made you seem very familiar to him. He had seen your mind and your precious memories, he had felt the pull of light from your soul and the Force within you. He felt like he knew you. The fact that he had met your parents before, years ago, helped create a sense of familiarity he hadn't had with anyone for a while. He found it almost intimate to look into your mind, because instead of forcefully twisting your mind to get what he wanted, he enjoyed looking at the images you let him see.

It also fascinated him that he hadn't been able to find the one piece of information he wanted to find out. Of course, he wasn't torturing you or letting Hux do his thing on you, but he felt like he couldn't do it to you. You intrigued him too much. The light shining in you was too beautiful to be destroyed. He found it attractive that your mind was strong against his persuasion and his powers. You had become like a drug to him. He wanted more. He wanted to explore your mind, find out what made it so strong.

From the moment he had picked you up to take to the base he had known he hadn't taken you because you were important. When he had found out that you weren't even a member of the Resistance, he had still wanted to keep you at the base, because there was something about you that pulled him to you. It was the light in you, but at the same time, he did find you attractive. That attraction had grown stronger as he had invaded your mind and seen your memories.

But that attraction made him weak. It made him question the path he had chosen and the darkness in him was weakening every moment he spent in your light. So he tried to push the feelings aside and forget about you, although he didn't want to. But when he spoke with Snoke and he could clearly see that the light side of you was getting stronger again, he realised that he had to get you out of Hux's sight before he revealed Snoke the true source of his inner turmoil.

The day after he had spoken to the Supreme Leader, he came to see you. However, this time he wasn't planning on invading your mind.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, his face emotionless, as he strode towards you.

"I'm quite alright," you said defiantly, even though your stomach was protesting loudly against you.

Kylo walked over to you, once again standing very close to you, his brown eyes locked on yours. He even leaned down a bit just to make your faces that little bit closer in a way that made you feel very uncomfortable.

"The light in you is very strong," he said then, his eyes looking into yours as if searching for something in them.

"I know you used to be on the light side before. But you gave into the darkness. Like Darth Vader," you said quietly. You had gotten quite used to Kylo's presence, as he was the only person who spoke to you during your days of imprisonment. He didn't instill such fear in you anymore as you knew he wasn't going to hurt you, which was why you felt more confident when you spoke to him.

"The dark side is what made Darth Vader strong," Kylo said, his voice strong and his eyes dark.

"No, it made him lonely…" you said. For a moment you thought you saw sadness in Kylo's eyes but it passed away so quickly you weren't sure if you had just imagined it.

"You have a strong mind. You can resist my inquiries into it. You should join the dark side. Let me be your teacher," Kylo suggested, his eyes sparkling. You could see he was eager to have you say yes to his suggestion, even though he had just said you were strong in light.

"Never. Like you said, the light in me is strong. I could never become a monster like you and let the dark side consume me," you spat.

Kylo took a step back. It looked like your words had hurt him a tiny bit.

"That's right. You are a monster. That's what happens when you go on the dark side. Maybe it makes you stronger, but it also makes you a monster," you continued, taking pleasure in the confused expression on Kylo's face. He clearly hadn't expected to be attacked in such way and took no enjoyment in being called a monster.

"I am not a MONSTER!" he shouted and for a moment you thought he would lose his mind and attack you. But he just closed his eyes and let out a deep breath. After a moment of silence he spoke again.

"General Hux is starting to get quite uneasy about me spending time to unlock your mind. He thinks you're useless and you're… Well, it doesn't matter. If you tell me about your force sensitivity, I will let you go. I need to get you out of Hux's sight," Kylo said then, his voice cool and calm again.

"Really?" you asked, feeling a little unsure if you should trust him. You hated to admit it to yourself, but you did feel like it was not a bad choice to take what he was offering. Your body was aching to be free from the restraints and you were so hungry… You weren't the best at ignoring your body's needs. You knew some people could go weeks without food, but for you one week had been enough and all you wanted was to eat and stretch your legs.

"Yes," Kylo said.

"I can heal. But the force isn't especially strong in me. I can make injuries slightly less terrible. But I can't completely heal them or bring people back to life or anything else like that. It's not much," you said, hoping Kylo would realise you were being sincere. He was so strong in the Force, your little healing trick couldn't possibly be of any use to him.

"Hmm, interesting," he said pensively.

Then he flicked his wrist and the straps opened around your wrists and your ankles. You felt so relieved to be able to stretch your limbs let out a sigh of relief as you cracked your joints.

"Follow me," Kylo requested. You nodded and followed him out of the room.

While you walked down the corridors, you got a few suspicious looks from the First Order, but most of them simply ignored you, although all of them greeted Kylo respectfully. You realised that you were still in your nurse's uniform but it was soiled with sweat, which probably made you look more like a prisoner than a nurse. And of course it wasn't a First Order uniform. It must have been obvious to everyone why you were there even if you weren't in handcuffs.

You looked around you with curiousity. After all, you were in the heart of the enemy, the main base of the First Order. You were lightheaded and starving, but you were also naturally curious, so you tried to focus on your surroundings to forget your physical state.

However, much to your disappointment there wasn't much of interest to see. The corridors you took all looked the same to the point where you wondered how people didn't get lost in there all the time. The walls were all the same dark chrome colour with the occasional door, all of which had security keypads by them. Some corridors had windows facing the centre of the base, a vast space between the two sides of the base where the fighter jets where landing and leaving from.

Eventually Kylo stopped in front of one of the doors which was black instead of the usual chrome colour. You realised that you were in a particularly quiet area of the base with no one in sight, which seemed to be a relief for Kylo who had seemed a bit anxious at the presence of his troops. You realised he didn't want anyone to know where he was taking you.

Kylo keyed in the code and the door swooshed open. You walked into the room after Kylo and heard the door shut behind you. It was a room with black walls and black furniture; a sofa, a bookcase with a little kitchenette and dining table at one end. You realised it must have been Kylo's living quarters and that one of the doors you could see led to his bedroom. Something about that thought made you feel incredibly awkward. It all felt too intimate, especially after Kylo had spent days scrolling through your memories.

"You can stay here for now," Kylo said, looking every bit as awkward as you felt.

"For now? You promised to set me free," you protested.

"You're not tied to a chair anymore are you? I never said I was going to take you home," Kylo said.

"I should have known, of course you wouldn't let me go, not for real. Why did I ever trust you? Can you at least let me know why you can't just let me go? What value can I possibly be to you?" you asked, annoyance clear in your voice.

"You intrigue me," Kylo said, as if his statement explained everything. You just found it confusing.

"I intrigue you? That's why you're keeping me here?"

"Come on, it could be so much worse for you. I could have let Hux interrogate you. Trust me, you would not want to go through that. He is a real sadist. So stop complaining. You should feel honoured. I wouldn't find you intriguing if you didn't have such a strong, fascinating mind. It's a compliment," Kylo said.

"You really do know how to make a girl feel special, don't you? Locking me up here in your living quarters sure feels like a compliment," you said, your words laced with sarcasm.

Kylo rolled his eyes, which only made you feel more frustrated.

"There's food in the fridge. Feel free to have whatever you want. I need to go now," Kylo said, turned around and left you alone.

When you were left alone the hunger returned. You made your way to the fridge in the little kitchenette to find yourself something to eat. While eating you thought back to what Kylo had said. He was intrigued by you. What did that mean? Your brother would have certainly told you when a man tells a woman they are intrigued by her, they most certainly mean they want to bone her. But then again, your brother had always been very protective of you and thought any man who ever spoke to you wanted you in their bed.

Besides, this was Kylo Ren and he wasn't an ordinary young man. Surely he wasn't interested in such things. Though had you ever met a young man who wasn't? You blushed at the thought that Kylo might have been attracted to you physically. It was not something you really wanted to think about.

After you had emptied a large part of the fridge in your hunger, including a plate of exotic fruit you had never seen in your life and which turned out to be quite delicious, you felt horribly bloated and a little nauseous. You realised you shouldn't have eaten so much so quickly after days of no food. The amount of food you ate was a shock to your system.

You lied down on the couch and in a matter of minutes you were already asleep. Sleeping hadn't been easy in the uncomfortable chair where you had no freedom to move to a more comfortable position, so you were exhausted. You slept peacefully for a good few hours.

When you woke up, you noticed that Kylo had returned. He was raiding the fridge for something to eat. You suddenly became very self conscious about how much you had eaten.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up," he said when he noticed that you were awake, sitting up straight in the far corner of the couch.

"You didn't," you said with a small yawn.

Kylo frowned. "You should have a shower. I brought you some fresh clothes," he said. He walked over and chucked a neatly folded First Order uniform at you.

"Is this all you have?" you asked, disgust clear in your voice.

"Yes, unfortunately the base is not a clothes market. I hope it fits you," Kylo said.

You headed to the bathroom which Kylo pointed to you. It felt good to remove the dirty and smelly nurse's uniform and let your skin breathe. The warm water felt heavenly against your grimy skin. You hadn't even realised how dirty you had gotten and felt like a new person when you stepped out of the shower.

The uniform Kylo had gotten for you was a little roomy, but not too badly. It felt good to wear clean clothes, even though you weren't happy you had no choice but to wear the uniform of the organisation your family was at war with. Kylo seemed to find the sight of you in the First Order uniform hilarious. He didn't comment on it but he looked amused. The contempt you felt must have been clear on your face.

You picked up a random book from Kylo's bookcase and tried to read while he was eating. You felt relieved when he went into the shower, leaving you alone in the room, making you feel like you could breath properly again. You weren't scared of him anymore. He seemed to have forgotten all about the pilot base and it didn't seem like he had any reason to hurt you. But you couldn't help but feel very tense around him. Everything you knew about him spoke against him. He wasn't the kind of person one could trust or let their guard down around.

The book you had picked up turned out to be a dry but educational book about history. You tried to concentrate on it, because it seemed like a genuinely useful book, but it was immensely boring and so your eyes kept wandering off the pages. When you heard the bathroom door open you turned your head to look in the direction as you were searching for a distraction. And a distraction you got.

Kylo was only wearing a towel wrapped around his waist. His torso was uncovered and you could see the water dripping from his wet black hair down his chest. He had very well defined muscles, but he was still very lean, a combination you found most attractive.

You realised that you had been staring at his body for far too long for it to look innocent. You quickly looked away with your cheeks red as a fire truck. Was this Stockholm syndrome? No, physical attraction was unfortunately in no way connected to what you thought of someone as a person. It would be for the best if Kylo kept himself mostly covered around you so your mind couldn't come up with any steamy fantasies.

The next time you looked at Kylo, he was fully dressed. Somehow he had gotten dressed right there behind you. You didn't want to give it too much thought. There was a little red on his cheeks as well, which meant that he had noticed your staring earlier.

"I'm going to bed. You can sleep on the couch," he said, sounding as awkward as he looked.

You nodded. The sofa wasn't the most comfortable place to sleep, but you didn't feel like you had a choice. So you lied down and closed your eyes in the hope that you could catch some sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**Note:** WARNING- Hux is going to be an incredible bastard :p - Hope you enjoy and let me know what you think! Things will be getting a bit more interesting from here... All together there will be nine chapters and an epilogue, so we're around halfway after this one :)

The next week you spent in Kylo's quarters was weirdly disorienting. Kylo barely spoke to you, as it seemed like he had no idea what to say to you. You didn't speak to him, because you didn't really have much to say to him. He went about his own business, spending short amount of time in his quarters, while you mostly read through his fairly boring book collection. Most of his books were about history though there were also a few books on jedi legends and such.

The most disorientating part of the week was how normal Kylo seemed. You only saw him do trivial things, eat breakfast and do push ups or curl up with a (really boring) book. You had to keep reminding yourself that he was a monster, someone who killed people, or at least ordered people to be killed.

You were starting to get very frustrated at being locked up. You felt like an animal in a cage. Cabin fever was driving you crazy. Why was he still keeping you there when he barely spoke to you? It seemed to you he had no reason, no use for you, and it was extremely frustrating.

A week had been enough, you thought to yourself. The moment you heard the door swoosh open, you abandoned the book you had been reading and got up to face Kylo. He walked in his full uniform minus the mask, his cape flying in behind him.

"Why do you still keep me here? I am sick and tired of being locked up like some kind of an animal! Please, just let me go. You barely even speak to me, what good am I to you?" you pleaded, obviously very frustrated.

"If I am completely honest with you…" Kylo started, but paused mid-sentence as if he was uncertain if you did want him to be honest - or if he wanted to really reveal what he was thinking.

"That's all I want from you, to be completely honest and let me know why I am still held here, against my will if I may add," you pleaded.

"I find your presence very… comforting," he admitted.

"Comforting?" you asked, confused and surprised by the choice of words. What had happened to intriguing?

"If you must know, I… I feel attracted to the light in you. It serves as a painful reminder of who I used to be. But somehow I can't seem to be able to let go of the light in me and it pulls me towards you," Kylo said his voice filled with emotion.

You were surprised at how genuine and sincere he was being. It was puzzling you that he was suddenly so open about how he felt and his inner struggle when he had been mostly silent for a week.

"If the pull of light is so ingrained in you, why do you keep ignoring it?" you asked quietly.

"I wish it was easy to just ignore it. My parents… They were very strong in the light."

"Who are you?"

Kylo looked up at you. It was an unexpected question because obviously you already knew he was Kylo Ren. But you had also realised something, something that would explain everything. Why had Kylo Ren killed Han Solo, why the light was so strong in him, why he looked so familiar…

"I am Kylo Ren. But I was… I was Ben Solo…" Kylo admitted, distaste in his voice as he pronounced the name he had abandoned when he had converted to the dark side.

"You killed your own father!" you exclaimed as his words confirmed what you had started wondering to be true. Even though you had suddenly had the realisation that perhaps Kylo was Ben, it was still difficult for you to process the fact. You had seen Ben once, only once, in your life, but you had never heard a bad word about him. Kylo Ren, on the other hand, was a name that had brought only fear to you before. How could they be the same person? And perhaps Han Solo hadn't always been the best of fathers, but killing one's own father seemed like a very extreme thing to do, even for Kylo Ren, but especially for Ben Solo, who had been a model jedi student. Until of course he turned against his master and caused him to go into exile. When you had heard of the slaughter of jedi students and Luke's disappearance, you had certainly never thought that it would have been Ben's doing, but now it seemed obvious.

"I had to do it. He was in my way. I wanted to rid the light in me, so I thought it would be the best way to achieve that and for a while I thought it had worked… But then you walked into the picture and I remembered your parents and even you briefly and I could feel the light radiate from you… It was pulling me towards you so I had to keep you here, close-by," Kylo explained.

He seemed confused and conflicted. For a moment, you felt almost sorry for him. He was clearly lost and craved for some connection to the light side despite abandoning it to follow in his grandfather's footsteps.

"You should have never let the darkside consume you. Look what it has done to you. You killed your own father, yet you still crave for light…" you said, looking at Kylo with sadness in your eyes.

Kylo looked away, unable to face you in his conflicted state of mind.

"This is the path that I have chosen. It might have made me into a monster, but it was my choice and I have to stand by it. I have to go now," he said and left the room abruptly, eager to get away from you and your sad eyes.

You were left alone to ponder on what had been said. You should have made the connection between Kylo and Ben before, you thought to yourself. You had only seen him once, but you should have recognised him.

You were the one feeling intrigued now. Intrigued by Kylo's real identity and his conflicted state. Of course it was no surprise that the light side was so strong in him; he was the child of General Organa and Han Solo. But he had let his parents down by joining the dark side. And then he had killed his own father to diminish the light in his soul.

It all seemed so bizarre to you. You thought back to the time you had seen Ben Solo. You had then been training to become a nurse with the Resistance, which you had later ceased to be a member of, but who did a lot of nurse training especially in far out areas like the planet you had grown up on.

General Organa had been on a tour of Resistance bases and when she came to visit the base you were doing your training course in, she had brought her son along much to everyone's delight. You remembered him as tall and handsome, but quiet. He had shown off some of his light saber wielding skills and the showcase had made all the girls present swoon, even though he barely spoke a word to anyone. He had had a quiet charisma about him and the kind of almost brooding look on his pretty face that did suit him for some reason.

Like most of the nursing students, you had a bit of a crush on Ben Solo, the tall and mysterious jedi student. You would think back to him sometimes, wondering if you would ever be so lucky as to meet him again. But the crush faded away quickly as you never did see him again - not until now of course. You had almost forgotten all about him until you heard about what happened to Luke's jedi academy. You remembered thinking that if something had happened to Ben, the son of General Organa, you would have known. It never crossed your mind that he could have been the one who caused the devastation.

What had happened to the Ben Solo you had once seen? How had he become so consumed by the dark side? He had been quiet and a little brooding, but he had also been a jedi under the guidance of Luke Skywalker. How had he turned against everything his parents represented?

Even if you hadn't made the connection straight away, you could now see Ben in Kylo. He still had the same brown eyes, although they were now conflicted and dark. He still had the same beautiful face, although it was now made imperfect by a large scar running across it. The torment that the dark side had brought upon him was visible on his weathered face and the dark circles around his eyes.

Kylo had seemed a lot more conflicted than what you thought he was. You had never realised how much he seemed to loathe himself for having chosen the dark side. But he was determined and he wouldn't back down from something he deemed so important. However, there was still light in him, it was obvious to you. And you were the one who had made him feel it again, the power of the light still left in him. You found it incredible that you, a mere nurse from a small, insignificant planet, could have awoken such havoc in the man's soul.

While you were thinking back to Ben Solo and tried to understand how he could have turned into the monster that was Kylo Ren, Kylo's mind was wandering back to you and what he had confessed while his underlings were reporting on the latest Resistance action. He found it difficult to concentrate on the task in hand. He kept only thinking about you and how he probably had revealed too much.

The week he had spent with you in his quarters, Kylo had been fighting the urge to hold you close to him. The pull of light was so strong, he wanted to feel your light on his skin. He had to keep you close.

But at the same time he was painfully aware of the fact that you thought of him as a monster. You wouldn't want him close to you. You wouldn't want him to touch you. It was clear to him and so he kept his distance, even though he craved for your touch.

Kylo had kept silent, because he didn't know what to say but also because he hadn't wanted to reveal his feelings and the emotional turmoil to you. But now he had done just that. He hated the thought of looking weak in your eyes.

"You seem distracted, Commander," General Hux pointed out after the stormtrooper had finished his report and left the two alone in one of the meeting rooms in the base. Kylo woke up from his thoughts, trying to redirect his attention from you to Hux.

"I am fine," Kylo snapped.

"I have always known that the light is very strong in you, but when you killed your father, I thought you had finally extinguished the last bit of light in you. Alas, I was wrong. It has made you weak again, the light within you. All thanks to that girl you picked up," General Hux said, distaste clear in his voice. He was disappointed in Kylo. He couldn't believe it that the Supreme Leader preferred Kylo over him when a simpleton girl could have such an affect on him. What good was the Force when he was so conflicted?

"I am not WEAK!" Kylo thundered and stood up, hitting his fists on the meeting table.

Hux kept his calm. He was used to Kylo losing his temper, sometimes far too easily. Another one of his weaknesses that Snoke seemed to overlook.

"The light is your weakness. I know and so does the Supreme Leader. You need to banish its effects from your mind. It's good you got rid of the girl. Her presence was making you weaker," General Hux said.

"You might think I'm weak right now, but I'm not. I have the Force on my side," Kylo said, his voice a dangerous growl. He was still standing up, his hand brushing against the light saber on his waist.

"What good is it, if you can't stay committed to the dark side?" Hux asked, a little mockingly. He enjoyed winding Kylo up sometimes, because of how ridiculously easy it was. He knew that deep down Kylo was very insecure, afraid that he would never be as strong and mighty as Darth Vader had once been. Hux liked to play it against him occasionally in the hopes that one of those times he would completely snap and Snoke would finally give him the appreciation he was wasting on the kid.

"I am committed. There might be a part of me that's light, but don't forget that Darth Vader's blood is also running in my veins.

I am destined to finish what he started and I will stop at nothing to accomplish that," Kylo stated, sounding more confident in his words than what he really felt. He was happy he was wearing the mask so that Hux couldn't read his face. He knew that Hux could have easily spotted his insecurity.

"So, are we any closer to finding Luke Skywalker? Or did you just waste days interrogating a girl who held no useful information just because you had a crush on her?" Hux asked. There was a victorious grin on his face.

Kylo's cheeks heated up underneath his mask.

"She knew where the pilot base is, her brother is a pilot-in-training. They would have certainly held information that could have proven useful," Kylo defended himself.

"Did you find out where this base is?"

Kylo didn't say anything.

"Of course not. Because you didn't even try. She made you weak. She had the light in her, she was young and pretty and a reminder of who you used to be. She made you doubt your path, because you wanted to fuck her but whereas Ben Solo would have probably gotten laid, you she finds repulsive," Hux said.

"You have always been jealous because Snoke prefers me over you," Kylo spat. He couldn't stand there and listen to Hux's accusations any longer. He felt belittled and embarrassed. He realised that he had to do something to make sure Snoke wouldn't be influenced by Hux's words. He was certain that Hux was going to repeat what he had just told him to Snoke in order to make him look weak.

Kylo turned on his heels and left the room. If he had stayed a second longer in there with Hux grinning at him like he had, he would have probably ended up killing Hux. Or at least breaking down the table and perhaps injuring Hux in the process. He didn't want to give Hux the pleasure of seeing him have another temper tantrum. He couldn't let him see how badly his words had affected him.


	5. Chapter 5

**Note** : Apologies for the very short chapter. Posted Chapter 6 today as well though, so there's more to follow!

You smiled brightly when Kylo entered the room.

"Hi," you greeted him, but he just walked on, not even looking at you. He marched on to the room next to his bedroom. You had no idea what was in there, but from the way he seemed to be feeling very antisocial you thought it might have been for meditation.

You had tried to be nice to him, because you thought perhaps you could try to influence him. You clearly held some sort of power over him, although you didn't completely understand it. But Kylo had completely ignored you, meaning you couldn't even try to expand your influence over him. You had thought that maybe there was something you could do to help ease the torment in his soul, but it seemed he had already told you enough about his feelings for the day. You did realise that what he had told you had been highly sensitive and it probably took him a while to come to terms with how much he had revealed. It was never easy to let another person catch a glimpse of your soul.

Kylo really didn't want to see you. You were the last person he wanted to see after the demeaning words of Hux. You were dangerous to him. A far too real reminder of who he had once been. A pull to the light, which made him seem weak in the eyes of Hux and Snoke.

"Grandfather, you must help me. The pull to the light is so strong. I feel conflicted and torn. But I have to finish what I started, what you started," he spoke, his hands pulling his hair in distress.

He was walking in circles in a small, black room. The hollow eyes of the mask his grandfather had once worn were staring at him lifelessly. Suddenly he fell onto his knees.

"Why am I so weak? Even Hux can see it.

That girl is going to be the end of me… I want her so much. But I can't… I have to keep on my path, my destiny. It's already too late, she would never have me… And I should never have her because I can't let a girl be the end of me. I have to fight it. Her and light that's pulling me towards it like… Like some pathetic moth," he spoke, desperation in his voice.

"Grandfather, please, show me the way," he pleaded quietly, teary eyes on the lifeless mask. He was staring at it in the hopes that it would give him all the answers. But when he left the room to make the short distance to his bedroom, he had no answers.

Meanwhile, General Hux had gone to see Snoke. He was so proud of himself for making Kylo crack a bit he had to go see the Supreme Leader. He wanted to let him know that he was concerned for Kylo. After all, Kylo seemed weakened, more conflicted, since the girl had been on the ship and Hux felt that it was putting the whole mission in danger. He hoped that Snoke would agree and let him finally take Kylo's place.

"Why have you summoned me?" Snoke asked, sounding slightly annoyed that he had to waste his time on Hux.

"Supreme Leader, I fear that our mission is compromised by Kylo Ren's weakness to the light. Ever since he picked up that girl, he has been so conflicted. You can see it in the way he speaks; he seems less determined. And when I accused him of having a crush on her, he got quite mad, which only proves that I am right," Hux said.

"Kylo Ren has always been conflicted, which is a shame, because he could be so much stronger if he could embrace the dark side fully with every fibre of his being… I have always known that occasionally there will be trouble, he will doubt the path that he has chosen. This girl, who is she?"

"Just a nurse from a small planet in the corner of the galaxy, nothing too interesting. Her brother is a Resistance pilot in training, her parents were affiliated with the Rebellion at the time. It seems she has some minor force sensitivity, but what's clearer is that she is consumed by the light side. I saw her once. She reeked of light, which seemed to intrigue Kylo along with the fact that he couldn't persuade her to tell him where his brother was training," Hux told.

"So he is interested in her because of her mind and the light, the force sensitivity, not because her brother is in the Resistance?"

"I am quite certain that was the case, Supreme Leader. But he did release her a week ago, so she is no longer here to entice him with her light."

"Are you quite sure he released her?"

"Yes, I haven't seen her since and I would know if she was still kept in the cells or in an interrogation room."

"But he could keep her somewhere else, couldn't he?"

"Why would he hide her? She is no use to us." Hux looked confused. He didn't understand why Kylo would feel the need to keep the girl on the base.

"That is exactly why. She is no use to the First Order, but if he does feel attracted to her as you suggested, he might have kept her on board," Snoke elaborated.

"But she makes him weak and he knows it. Why would be willingly conflict himself?"

"Because he is young and foolish and that is something even I can't take away from him. Young and foolish people do things that make no sense to anyone else and only end up hurting everyone. I want you to make sure the girl is no longer on the base. Kylo doesn't need any unnecessary reminders of who he used to be and the light in him nor do we want him to suddenly feel the urge to abandon the dark side," Snoke said.

General Hux smiled. "You can trust me, Supreme Leader. If that girl is still here, I will find her and I will make sure to get rid of her." He was quite pleased with getting the mission from Snoke. It gave him a good opportunity to embarrass Kylo Ren, if the girl really was still on the base.


	6. Chapter 6

When you woke up the next morning, Kylo was already eating breakfast. He looked grumpy and tired, as if he had barely slept the previous night. You were still determined to exert your influence on him.

The more you thought on it the previous night, the more you realised that since you were his connection to the light, perhaps you could turn him away from the dark side. You knew it seemed a bit crazy and you were probably overestimating the influence you could have on Kylo, but if you could make him change even just a tiny bit, it would make your capture worth it.

"Good morning," you said with a smile as you sat opposite Kylo. He looked at you but didn't say anything, just continued to eat the fruit he was having for breakfast.

"Don't talk to me then," you said when Kylo just kept eating and glaring at you in silence.

After a while of uncomfortable silence with Kylo staring at you almost murderously, he suddenly got up very quickly, so quickly you jumped a little.

"You have to go," he said, his intense gaze on you.

You got up as well. You were both staring at each other as if you were going to soon wield your light sabers and engage in a battle. Although of course neither of you had one on you, but the tension was on a level you could imagine it was when two men were about to lock in a battle.

"You are a distraction, a dangerous reminder of my past. I have to get rid of you. Your home is a bit too far from our current position but I make sure you get on a safe planet, somewhere with Resistance presence. I'm sure they can help you get home," Kylo said. He looked tense, as if he wasn't fully committed to his plan, but was trying to hold back the feelings that were trying to interfere with it.

You were surprised he was suddenly so eager to get rid of you. What was even more surprising though was that you didn't want to go so quickly anymore. You missed your home and your parents, but you felt like you had a more important mission now. An opportunity to end the war. If you could get closer to Kylo, maybe there was a chance that the light in you would influence him to abandon the war and his quest to destroy the Resistance. You believed that there was a possibility that it could work, that you could influence him, and you at least wanted to give it a go, before going home. It did mean that you were putting yourself into danger; if things didn't go to plan, who knew what Kylo could do to you. He seemed to not want to hurt you now, but with a man who was so temperamental there was always a chance he could change his mind. But you were ready to take the risk.

However, he wanted you gone. Before you had even had a chance to properly understand the power you could have on him, he was planning to send you home. You knew he was right; you were a distraction. Perhaps your presence alone was enough to make him find it harder to concentrate on his mission, which was why he thought it best to get rid of you. But you weren't going to give up that easily.

You did something you would have never thought you'd do. You walked towards Kylo so quickly, so suddenly, that he had no time to react. There was a confused look on his face and before he could say a word in protest, you had already pressed your lips against his.

The kiss you shared was as intense as it was unexpected. Kylo kissed you back instinctively, his hand finding its way to your hair, pulling you towards him, as if he didn't even realise he was doing it. You kissed for a moment that seemed to last an eternity. His surprisingly soft lips moving against yours, his throat letting out an involuntary moan of pleasure. It felt as if there was a current of energy travelling between you.

But then, the moment ended. Kylo suddenly came back to his senses and pushed you away. You almost fell down, but managed to grab a hold of a back of a chair to help you gain back your balance.

Kylo looked at you bewildered by what had happened between you two. He took a step closer, even though he had been the one who had just pushed you away quite violently. His face came close to yours, so close you could feel his rapid breath on your face. You were almost certain he was going to kiss you again, the tension was still thick as fog between you two.

But he didn't. "I can't let you stay here, look what you are doing to me…" he whispered, his sharp eyes looking directly into yours. You could see he felt conflicted. He didn't really want to let you go, but he felt like he had to. He sensed the danger he was putting his convictions into. He had also felt the current, the spark when you had kissed him and he was afraid of the light in you penetrating the darkness in his soul.

"Are you sure you want to let me go?" you asked quietly.

"No, of course not. I don't want you to go. But that's why you have to go," he admitted.

"What if I don't want to go anymore?" you asked, your just voice a whisper, your lips merely inches apart from his. You could see his gaze fall back on them as you bit your lip.

"I thought you wanted to go home," he said softly.

"Maybe I don't," you said with a shrug.

You felt Kylo put his hand at the back of your head. "Why would you want to stay with me? I am a monster after all. You said it yourself," he asked, unable to believe that after everything you now actually did want to stay. There was confusion in his eyes as he gazed into yours.

You were wondering what to say. A part of you, quite a significant part of you, still believed that he was a monster. But you had come to see another side to him and you were certain he wasn't a completely evil being. Still, you weren't entirely sure how to convince him that you were willing to give him a chance.

"There is light in you, I know it. I don't think you're a complete monster, you just… You have been consumed by the dark side, but a part of you is still good," you said quietly and put your hand on his chest. You could feel his racing heartbeat underneath his black shirt. Then you leaned into kiss him softly. Perhaps a kiss was enough to convince him to let you stay. It was at least worth a try.

This time Kylo didn't push you away. He kissed you back, but didn't let it go for too long. He broke the kiss gently and looked you in the eye, pensively, as if trying to understand what had changed.

"Alright," he said in defeat and walked away from you, towards his bedroom. He disappeared into it. When he returned, fully dressed in his uniform and with his mask on, you were still standing in the exact same spot he had left you at, leaning slightly into the dining table. The encounter had left you feeling a little lightheaded in all its intensity.

"You truly are my weakness," you heard him say, his voice distorted by his mask to sound almost inhumane, void of emotions. But you knew that under that mask, his emotions were bubbling wildly. He left the room, leaving you alone. You smiled to yourself. He hadn't thrown you out. You still had the chance to try change him. To end the war that you felt had already been going for far too long.

 **Note:** Finally things are starting to happen between Kylo and you... ;)


	7. Chapter 7

**WARNING** : This chapter includes smut/a sex scene (nothing too graphic though).

From that day on, there was a significant shift in your relationship with Kylo. There was no more silence and ignoring each other. You tried to be as nice to him as possible, tried to bring some weird normality into his life. He spent the days being the Commander of the First Order, harsh and unwavering, but the evenings he spent with you, cuddling, eating and chatting about nonsense.

You tried to always keep the conversation light. You told him a lot about your past, your family (though not about their connections with the Resistance) and your life on the small planet you called home. You wanted to create an intimacy with him, make him trust you. And you wanted him to believe that you trusted him. But you didn't want to remind him of the emotional turmoil within him, which was why you steered away from anything that could have brought all that back to him.

When he was with you, as you whispered sweet nothings to his ear or cuddled up to him, he seemed changed. He seemed relieved of the weight that he usually carried on his shoulder. The battle of light and dark that was going on in his mind. He tried to only focus on you and the way you made him feel.

And you made him feel good, almost blissful. The first time you had kissed him, he had felt the light surge through him and he had become addicted to that feeling. Sometimes you could feel his desperation when he kissed you. His need to feel the light, the spark that was alight between you whenever things got heated enough.

You had convinced yourself that you could never really fall in love with a monster like Kylo. You could see a different side to him when he was with you, one that was capable of being gentle and caring, but you knew what he had done and those were things it was very difficult to forgive or forget. Still, you didn't feel what you were doing was selfish. Yes, you wanted to end the war and suffering and help the Resistance, but you were also helping him. You were quieting the turmoil in his mind, the torment in his soul caused by the darkness that was trying to consume him.

You weren't sure how much your actions had been able to influence him so far. To you he seemed more relaxed and he even smiled occasionally, something you had thought you would never see. You were waiting for the right moment to talk to him about abandoning the war. You didn't really have a plan at all, but you thought maybe if you planted the thought into his mind he would slowly come around to it.

One evening after Kylo had had a shower and spent a long time drying his hair, he appeared in front of you looking a little anxious, which surprised you. You had been reading a book on the Force, which had seemed actually pretty interesting for a change, because as someone who was force sensitive, you thought it was useful to learn more about how it worked. You looked up at him and found him frowning. You two had become fairly comfortable around each other, which was why you found it odd that he suddenly seemed so tense.

"I was wondering…" Kylo started, but it took him a moment before he continued. He looked nervously around him, as if waiting for someone to jump from around a corner any moment.

"Yes?" you asked, encouraging him to finish his sentence.

"I was wondering if you would… if you would like to sleep in my bedroom tonight," he suggested, his cheeks getting a rosy tint on them.

You smiled at him. "Yes, of course," you said.

After reading a few more pages of the book in silence as Kylo was eating a snack, you put the book down and got up. You made your way to Kylo's bedroom, feeling a little like you were invading his privacy. You had never been in it; it seemed intrusive to walk into the room in which Kylo Ren slept.

Everything in the room was black, just how you had expected. You found the amount of black in the room almost ridiculous, as if he was trying to keep away the light. The room was also quite empty and lacked personality. There was a large bed with black sheets on it, a large wardrobe, which you imagined was filled with the same black tunic over and over, and a desk. When you looked up you noticed that the ceiling had tiny lights all over it, making it look like the night sky.

You sat down on the edge of the bed. You were feeling a little nervous. You knew what was going to happen, you weren't naive. Of course, if you didn't want it, you wouldn't have let him have it. But you were curious. You were curious to know what it would be like. You had felt the spark that was there when you kissed; you were curious to find out how it would feel when you really set it alight.

Kylo walked into the room looking a little flushed. He turned his back to you to take off his tunic. Then he turned back round to look at you. He looked nervous. He walked over to you, but stopped a feet away. You let your eyes trace his bare upper body. You could feel your body get excited at the sight of his lean, muscular chest heaving with his breathing.

You looked Kylo in the eye. His gaze was intense. His lips were slightly parted. You could see the lust in his dark eyes, but he seemed to hesitate as if he was uncertain of how to approach you. His uncertainty made you think he hadn't been with many women before.

You stood up to face him, although he was very tall, so you weren't exactly face to face with him.

"Do I have to do everything here myself?" you asked playfully, a cheeky smile on your face.

That was the push Kylo had needed to take matters in his own hands. He grabbed the front of your shirt and pulled you towards himself, locking your lips in a hungry, fiery kiss. He pushed you down on the bed, yours mouths still locked in a passionate kiss. You could feel it again, the surge of energy between you two. You wanted him despite everything he was and had done. You wanted him to take you.

You felt his left hand trace your body, until it reached the hem of your skirt. It crept up underneath the skirt, his finger tracing your thigh. He moved his mouth from yours to nibble on your neck, his breath hot and heavy on your skin. You felt your heart racing as his finger brushed your panties ever so slightly and you felt his teeth on your skin. As he kept teasing you like that for a moment longer, you felt like you were going to burst if you couldn't have him that moment.

Your hand found its way to his hair and you tugged it, moving his head up a little, so that you could kiss him again. You enjoyed his teeth on your neck, but you felt the need to feel his warm lips against yours. Your tongues battled for dominance in a heated kiss as you found his waistband and pulled his trousers down. It was clear that you were desperate to have him. But as your hand brushed against his crotch, you could feel that he was very excited to have you as well.

When he finally entered you, you felt electricity between you two. He pushed into you slowly and gently, as you pushed your fingers into the flesh on his back. He started thrusting faster, the heat of the moment building up. You moaned from pleasure and your nails were digging deeper into his skin. He kissed you again, his thrusting getting more and more feverish. You bit his lip and could taste blood, as you accidentally bit a bit too hard, because you felt your climax building up.

He came shortly after you, groaning in pleasure. For a fleeting moment you felt complete, his hot sweaty body collapsed on top of you. You wouldn't have wanted the moment to ever end, because you didn't want to go back to the world where he was Kylo Ren, the Commander of the First Order. Because when he was lying there, evening his breath, his sticky body against yours, you could forget completely about who he really was. To you in that moment he was Ben Solo, a man who had fulfilled you, a man you had shared a very passionate moment with.

But alas it had to end. Kylo moved from top of you and went to the shower, leaving you alone in the bed. You felt euphoric and your brain was still trying to comprehend what had just happened.

When Kylo returned, there was a big grin on his face that made it clear he was also feeling pretty euphoric. You smiled at him, biting your lip as you still felt a little shy at the sudden intimacy between you two. None of it felt real; Kylo was like a different person to you from the man who had kidnapped you.

"That was… magical," you said, trying to come up for a better word to describe what you had just experienced, but failing. Kylo got back into the bed and you cuddled up to him, drawing circles on his naked chest gently.

"I don't think I have the words to describe what I felt. I felt so blissful. Like the light was piercing through me, making me one with you for a fleeting second…" Kylo said, his eyes sparkling as he thought back to making love to you.

You smiled. It made you happy that you had been able to evoke such feelings in him. And you had felt it too, the energy that was between you and which had built up to a heavenly climax.

"I wish… I wish there was no war and we could really be together," you said quietly, a little afraid of how Kylo would react to your words, even though you hadn't directly asked him to end the war.

"No one wants the war," Kylo said.

"Why do you have to go on fighting the Resistance? Why can't you just leave this all behind?" you asked softly.

"It's not that simple. When you choose the dark side, the darkness will dominate your destiny. It will consume your soul," Kylo said, his eyes dark and his voice suddenly emotionless, almost as mechanical as when he spoke through his mask.

"But I thought… I thought I was helping you fight that. That maybe little by little my light could fix your soul and prevent it from being completely consumed. Didn't you feel a relief from the darkness just now? I'm sure you did, I could feel it in you," you spoke sounding almost desperate. You hadn't even realised yourself how badly you wanted to save him. It dawned on you at that moment as you looked into Kylo's eyes and saw the pain within them that this had started to be more about saving him than helping the Resistance.

"Like I said, it's not that simple. I won't be able to turn my back on the darkness that easily. It is a part of me now. I have accepted the darkness into my soul and I have chosen this path… It is my destiny," Kylo said, convinced there was no other way, even though you could see in his eyes that he knew himself that the path he had chosen was slowly destroying him.

"Ben Solo is still alive. I can see it in your eyes, he is still somewhere here…" you insisted and laid your hand on his chest, feeling his rapid heartbeat.

"Ben Solo is dead," Kylo said quietly.

"No he's not. You just have to give him a chance," you almost whispered. You leaned in to kiss Kylo softly on the lips. "I know he's still in there, I know you still are him," you whispered against his lips.

Meanwhile, General Hux was meeting up with Captain Phasma to hear the latest report on the Stormtroopers' attempts to find you in the base.

"There has been no sign of her," Captain Phasma simply stated, much to Hux's disappointment.

His mouth tightened into a straight line. "I am certain she is here…" he said quietly, trying to think where you could possibly be hiding.

"My men looked everywhere. Trust me, they have been searching for the last week," Phasma assured.

"How about Kylo Ren's quarters? Does anyone have access there?" Hux asked then, a frown on his face.

"No," Phasma said.

"She must be in there. It makes sense. Of course Ren would hide the girl in the only place no one else has access to," Hux stated. It all made sense now. A wicked grin appeared on his face as he realised that he was now closer than ever to bringing Kylo Ren down in front of Snoke.

"It does make sense," Phasma admitted.

"But how do we get to her without involving Kylo Ren? He won't want us to find her, that's for sure…" Hux wondered out loud.

"We need to get her out of the quarters," Phasma stated.

"Yes, we have to come up with a way to lure her out… There must be a way…"

General Hux turned to look outside the window of the meeting room he was in with Captain Phasma. He knew there had to be a way to get the girl out of the quarters and to walk right into his trap. He just had to come up with it.


	8. Chapter 8

The next morning you felt awkward about waking up next to Kylo. You both seemed shy about what had happened last night, even though you both had enjoyed the moment immensely and had no reason to feel so ashamed. Neither of you were used to such intimacy. Which made it more awkward to you was that Kylo Ren was, well, _Kylo Ren_. He was the last man you had ever thought you would sleep with.

The next few days Kylo seemed a bit colder than before. You started to get a little worried. If making love to you had been such a great experience, why was he now holding back from you? You were convinced it was because of what you had said. Your attempts to convince him to abandon the dark side had pushed him away from you. You should have waited longer before bringing up such a sensitive and difficult topic. You should have built up more trust between you two. But the moment had felt so perfect and you had never seen Kylo so blissful… Until of course you started talking about the war and Ben Solo.

But you were convinced that the man who had made love to you had been Ben Solo. Snoke hadn't completely destroyed him. You had heard rumours that whoever Kylo had been before had been seduced to the dark side by Snoke, made into a complete monster, abandoning all he had been before. And you had always believed it, until the moment you had kissed him. That was when you had first felt the spark of hope that still existed inside of him. And after that night you had made love, you were even more certain that there was still hope for him, even if he didn't want to believe it.

You did feel a little hurt that Kylo was pushing you away after what you had given him, even though you knew he just needed more time to come around. All you could do was try to reach out to him, try to gain his trust back. Although you were getting worried that perhaps your words last night had made him wonder if you had some kind of an ulterior motive in giving into his pleasures. Which was partially true of course. But you were doing it for him, not for anyone else. Not anymore.

It was two days after you had had sex with Kylo. You were thinking back to that night, lying on the couch in his quarters. If only you could make him trust you again, let you get close and intimate again.

Suddenly a loud noise started ringing in the room, making you jump up. It kept going on and on and on and it reminded you of a fire alarm. Was there a fire somewhere nearby? Had the base been attacked? You felt panic starting to build up inside you.

You thought if something awful had happened, Kylo would come to get you and take you to safety. Or would he? What if he was hurt and couldn't come for you? Or worse still, what if your words from that night had hurt him so he didn't even want to help you?

Questions filled up your mind and you had no answers. You had no idea what to do. Kylo had never told you what the fire rescue plan was or what to do in case of an accident.

You walked over to the door. If something had really happened, you couldn't just stay there, even though you knew Kylo wouldn't have wanted you to leave his quarters because General Hux could see you. Or someone else for that matter. All anyone else knew was that you were gone, no longer a prisoner on the base.

You pushed the button by the door in the hopes it would open it. It did swoosh open, which surprised you. Kylo wasn't locking you up anymore. It was a pleasant sign of trust, although you didn't have plenty of time to marvel on it, as the screeching sound kept blasting on and it sounded even louder out in the corridor.

You saw smoke coming from the left, so you turned right and started running. You had no idea where you were going and the longer you ran through the corridors, the more you felt like it had been a mistake to leave the quarters. There was no one around, but on the other hand, it also didn't look like there was a massive attack happening as everything looked undamaged. Maybe there was a small fire in the kitchen. Maybe you had panicked for no reason at all.

Then you came to a corridor that lead to a dead end. You stopped, panting. Clearly this hadn't been a good idea. You had no idea where you were going or where Kylo was. And even worse, you realised you didn't know the code for Kylo's quarters so there was no way you could go back in there.

But you didn't have a lot of time to worry over how you would get back into Kylo's living quarters. You heard footsteps from behind you and when you turned around, you came face to face with General Hux. There was a very disturbing grin on his smug face. You felt your heart jump into your throat. The malicious look in the General's eyes could only mean trouble.

"Finally, I found you," he said. "Take her away!" he ordered. Two Stormtroopers appeared from behind the corner and grabbed you by the arms.

"Take her to the meeting room. I will go get the Commander. We need to inform him that we have found a fugitive in the base," General Hux said, the pleasure he got from capturing you clear on his face. You shuddered at the sight of his disgusting grin.

You were taken to a room, where Captain Phasma was already standing around. It didn't take long until General Hux was back, this time followed by Kylo Ren. He was wearing his mask, hiding away any surprise seeing you would have possibly caused.

"Look what we found. The prisoner had been hiding in the base all this time," General Hux said, his tone almost mocking.

"I see," Kylo stated, his voice cold and emotionless, distorted by his mask. You wished he wasn't wearing it so you could see his true reactions to seeing you captured by Hux.

"We must execute her. She's a danger to our operations. Who knows what kind of intel she has gathered while being on the base for such a long time. She can take her information to the Resistance and that would be extremely unfortunate for us," Hux spoke with determination.

Everyone in the room looked up at Kylo in anticipation. Your eyes were starting to get teary, as you realised what Hux's words meant. He wanted to kill you. Not just throw you out of the ship like Kylo had suggested before, but to get rid of you permanently. You looked at Kylo's mask pleadingly, hoping that behind that emotionless, lifeless mask, there was sympathy for you. Even though you had been able to get fairly close to Kylo, you didn't know if you could trust him not to have you killed. After all, he had killed his own father.

"Yes, of course," Kylo merely said, before turning around and leaving the room.

General Hux looked a little disappointed. "Hmm, well at least we get rid of you," he muttered, before ordering the Stormtroopers to take you to a cell to wait for your execution.

When you were left alone in the cell, you fell down on your knees. Was Kylo going to let you die? Was he going to let Hux execute you? Surely he couldn't - or could he?

You couldn't believe you had angered him that much, even if he did believe that you had been using him to end the war or aide the Resistance. After all, he couldn't be sure it was true. And it wasn't. A part of you truly cared for him and wanted to see him turn back to the light, if only to end the torment in his soul.

It had seemed to you like Kylo really cared for you. Even when he had been acting a little cold the last few days, you had felt like he was more than just attracted to you. Why else was he so eager to keep you close to himself even when you were distracting him from his mission? Surely he wouldn't have done that if he hadn't formed at least some sort of feelings towards you. And how could he ignore the spark, the energy that was so evident between you two?


	9. Chapter 9

"Good morning, princess."

You woke up to Hux's malicious voice greeting you. You had spent the night in the cell unable to get sleep, until eventually you had fallen into restless sleep for a few hours. You kept seeing nightmares of how you would die. Every time you faced your end, you woke up with a shudder, only to fall back to sleep again to another horrific scene of your death. In every one of your dreams, your worst fear came true; Kylo merely stood by and watched Hux execute you in all kinds of weird and fantastic ways. Sometimes he had his mask on, other times he didn't, but his face was always cold and emotionless, like he had no heart left inside of him.

You shuddered at the thought of your dreams and the image of Kylo's stone cold face in them. No, he did have a heart, you told yourself. It was true, you had felt it beat in his chest under your touch. You were certain that at least for a short while it had been beating for you. And that was the hope you clung onto. He cared about you; he wouldn't let you die.

Your doubts had kept you awake at night, but now you had no time left for them. You had to believe that Kylo had enough light left in him to save your life. You had to believe in him, in Ben Solo, because you couldn't face the thought that you were going to be walking right into your death. Your poor heart couldn't live with the idea that these were some of the last moments of your life.

Hux had that grin you hated so much on his face as he walked in. It was an unpleasant sight to wake up to. Slightly embarrassed that Hux of all people had caught you sleeping on the cold floor of the cell (there was no bunk in the room), you got up and tried to straighten your hair and the First Order uniform you were still wearing.

"I have something here for you to wear. I don't want you to be executed in that uniform. It never really belonged to you and I don't think it suits you," Hux said. He chucked a white dress at you.

"Can you give me some privacy please?" you requested as Hux stood there staring at you. As if you would have let him see you change. What a pervert, you thought.

"Sure," Hux said and rolled his eyes. He didn't seem to think death row inmates deserve privacy, but he did turn around and leave the cell to your relief.

You changed into the white dress. It was long and the material felt silky against your skin. The neckline was fairly modest but wide, almost revealing your shoulders, and the sleeves were long and flowy. You had no idea where Hux had found the dress from, but you were certain it wasn't standard execution uniform.

Hux returned into the room, looking at you from head to toe.

"Ah, perfect. Love the colour. Makes you look so innocent and pure," he said.

You frowned. "What are you trying to achieve with this?" you asked, feeling slightly creeped out by the way Hux was looking at you.

"It's very symbolic, don't you think? You are the light that walked into Kylo's life and now I will snatch it away from him. I want you to embody that light so that Kylo will understand the significance of what I am going to do. And I want you to look beautiful to exert the most pain at him I can. He gets to take one last look at your beautiful face, before he will lose it forever," Hux explained.

You started feeling a little nauseous.

"I am going to enjoy this immensely. Hurting Kylo, that is. I look forward to seeing the pain in his eyes," he said, his tone low.

"You really are a sadist aren't you? You are the real monster here," you said through gritted teeth.

Hux merely let out an amused hum. He disappeared out of the cell for a short while, before returning with two Stormtroopers armed with blasters. One of the Stormtroopers poked you in the back with his blaster, indicating for you to move. You frowned at the rude gesture.

Walking behind Hux with the two guards by your side, you took in a deep breath and tried to calm yourself. It started feeling a bit too real to your liking that you were being walked to your death. The thought horrified you; you were in no sense ready to die. But you didn't want to give Hux the pleasure of seeing your fear, so you focused on your breathing, trying to keep yourself calm.

When you arrived in the white room Hux had for some reason chosen as the site of the execution you saw Kylo was already there, pacing around nervously. He stopped and turned to look at you when you walked in behind Hux. You could see a spark in his eyes as your eyes met. You were surprised to see he wasn't wearing his mask, but it gave you a chance to see the worry in his eyes. When you looked him in the eye it was clear to you that he did care about you and the thought of you dying was a source of suffering to him.

No mask also meant that Hux could see the conflict and pain on Kylo's face. He smiled at Kylo in a way that made it clear he despised him and looked down on him for his emotional attachment to you.

Besides you, your guards, Hux and Kylo, there was no one in the room. The Stormtroopers pushed you in the middle of the room. You had to focus all your energy to staying still and calm. As you saw Hux take a blaster from one of the Stormtroopers, you felt like you were going to break down. But you tried to hold back your tears. You wouldn't cry in front of Hux, even if it was the last thing you ever did.

You glanced quickly at Kylo, afraid to look at him properly. He seemed fairly calm and collected, a bit too cool to your liking. His bursts of anger were well known all over the galaxy. He wasn't really one to control his emotions, so his cool and collected exterior worried you, even though you had felt the connection between you two was still there when your eyes had met.

The next few moments felt like an eternity, even though they only lasted for seconds. Your whole life was in the hands of the next fleeting minute. You saw Hux aim the blaster at you and you knew for certain that it was not set to phase. His finger was on the trigger, eager to press it. You closed your eyes, sure that this was the end for you. You heard the blaster go off, the swoosh of the beam.

But it didn't hit you. You opened your eyes in shock as you saw Kylo bend down in pain in front of you. He had jumped in front of the beam, stopping it from hitting you, which didn't amuse Hux. Hux shot again, this time aiming for Kylo, who grimaced from pain, but straightened himself in a matter of seconds.

Kylo looked enraged. He pushed Hux violently against the wall by just extending his arm out. Hux started cackling, as he tried to fight for air, Kylo channeling the Force to choke him.

"Don't just stand there, do something," Hux ordered the Stormtroopers who seemed confused by the whole situation.

While they were pondering on what to do, which leader's side to take, you recovered from your initial shock. You could see the wounds on Kylo's body were gushing with blood, even though the black material of his tunic made the blood less apparent. You knew you had to get away before the Stormtroopers decided to listen to Hux and take action against Kylo.

You rushed over to Kylo's side, grabbing his free hand.

"Come on, we have to go," you said. You could see the rage burn in Kylo's eyes and for a moment you thought Kylo was going to kill Hux. But then he violently threw Hux to the other side of the room, where he hit the wall and fell down with a thump.

Kylo pulled you with him outside of the room and you started rushing down the corridors, trying to keep up with Kylo who was far taller than you. Fortunately, you were with Kylo, so no one tried to stop you two, even though some people did give odd looks to Kylo who was dripping blood by now.

You came to where the TIE fighters were kept. Kylo pulled you through the hangar and pushed you into one of the ships.

"We have to get out here," he murmured under his breath as he took a seat on the pilot's chair. You looked down at the blood seeping through his tunic. You knew he had been hurt badly. It was apparent on his face that he was in a lot of pain. His face was turning a little grey and beads of sweat were glittering on his forehead.

"Before we go, I need to take a look at that wound. It looks bad," you said, your tone serious.

"Alright," Kylo muttered and threw off his tunic. The movement caused sharp pain in his wound and he winced when he threw the top away.

You started feeling panicked when you looked at the wound. It looked even worse than you had expected. There was blood everywhere and no sign of the bleeding stopping. You picked up Kylo's tunic and pressed it against the bleeding wound. You wished you had stopped off at the medical bay before making your way to the ship, although you knew there was probably no time for such detours, because Hux could be signalling off a warning anytime now.

"It's bad isn't it? I'm not going to make it, am I?" Kylo asked, when he saw the panic on your face.

You tried to calm down and think of something useful to do. "You will be alright, I promise," you said, although you weren't convinced. You felt a little tug at the back of your mind. The Force.

You closed your eyes and tried to even your breath. To be able to use the Force, you needed to concentrate. It was difficult though when there were a million voices screaming at the back of your mind.

 _He can't die, he can't die for me, not now… I can't let him die…_

But you tried to drown out the panicked voices and think back to the Force and the light within you. Focus, you told yourself. You pressed your fingers against the tunic on the wound and concentrated on it with all your power.

You opened your eyes to look at the wound. No change. It was still bleeding uncontrollably. You pressed the tunic back against it. Of course the Force in you wasn't strong enough to save Kylo. You weren't strong enough.

You felt tears form in your eyes. You had to try again. It was your only hope. You couldn't watch him die there, right in front of you.

 _I love him._

You realised how blind you had been. It was true; you had grown to love him. You weren't entirely sure if it was Ben Solo you loved, but whoever it was, he was in the body of the man who was dying right in front of you. There was a connection between you two, connection that was more than just you trying to help a man who was lost. You loved him.

"Please…" you whispered as you closed your eyes again. You had to try again. You felt a tear roll down on your cheek. You focused on the light, the love you felt. Suddenly you felt a peace fall on your mind and you could breath more easily. You felt a tug, then a pull. Energy was surging through you.

When you opened your eyes again, you let out a sigh of relief. The wound was healing. It was significantly better than before and barely bleeding. You smiled, unable to believe that you had really been able to do that.

Kylo looked at you shocked and confused. "How did you do that?" he asked.

"I don't know. I know I am Force sensitive, but I have never done anything this extensive…" you said.

That was the moment you heard the alarm go off. From the window of the TIE fighter you could see red lights flashing.

"Hux has sounded the alarm. We need to go," Kylo said with a frown. You quickly tied the tunic over his wound in case of any minor bleeding.

"Are you sure you are well enough to fly? You have lost quite a bit of blood," you asked, concerned.

"We don't really have a choice, do we? Unless you can fly. I am feeling better anyways, thanks to your little healing trick," Kylo said with a hint of a smile. He did look exhausted, but you had no choice but to let him fly. You couldn't fly, so you took your seat behind Kylo and prayed to the stars that you two would be fine and Kylo would be well enough to fly. You both strapped on the safety belts.

It didn't look like anyone really tried to stop you as the TIE jet took off and you flew out of the base. Despite the warning, no one was sent after you. Perhaps Hux thought it best to just let you go. Now he had the chance to take Kylo's place, as Kylo was gone, even if he hadn't been able to exert the pain on Kylo he had wanted to.

When you were further afield from the base, you felt you could relax. You were happy to get out of the base and far from the clutches of General Hux. Being kept in Kylo's quarters had also made you get a bit of a cabin fever, so being outside and not in danger of dying was a relief.

You had never travelled through space - not awake that was. The only time you had ever left the planet you had grown, studied and lived on had been when Kylo had kidnapped you. But you had been unconscious that time.

This time you had a chance to marvel your surroundings. The stars were going by you, sparkling everywhere you looked at. Staring at the stars passing by you forgot for a moment where you were, with whom and what had just happened. The stars and the vastness of the space around you was calming and brought peace to your mind. Until you realised you had no idea where Kylo was taking you.

"Where are we going?" you asked, breaking the silence that had been surrounding you since you had left the base.

"I'm taking you home," Kylo said, sounding determined.

"What? Why?" you asked, confused.

"Because you need to go home. Don't you want to go home?" Kylo asked, surprised by your reaction.

"Yes, but… What are you going to do?"

"To be completely honest, I don't know. Probably go find Snoke and ask him to complete my training. He doesn't like Hux, so even if Hux is against me, Snoke might still help me complete my mission to finish what Darth Vader started," Kylo said. He sounded tired, not at all interested in his destiny. He sounded like he was exhausted by having to follow the path he had chosen.

"What? You can't go back to Snoke! You have a chance to be free from the ties of the dark side," you pleaded.

"There is nothing left for me. I have sacrificed everything for the dark side, I killed my own father. There is nowhere for me to go, nothing for me to do, but to complete the path I have been destined for," Kylo said, his voice dark.

"What about me? You still have me," you said.

"You? I am convinced you were using my weakness to make me end the war and further your cause. Or you were trying to bring back Ben Solo. But you could never care for me for real," Kylo said, convinced he was right.

"But I do care about you. I might have thought, when I realised I was your weakness, that maybe I could get you to end the war, but now I see it clearly. I love you," you said, your voice full of emotion, as you admitted the fact you had only realised a few moments ago yourself.

"You could never love me. You are the one who called me a monster. And it's true, I am a monster. Maybe once I was a man worthy of the love of someone like you, but I am no longer that man," Kylo said.

"But it's true, I do love you! I have no reason to lie to you anymore. You are taking me home, why would I protest if I didn't have a good reason?" you asked, hoping he would see that you really meant what you were saying.

"Alright, perhaps it is true. Perhaps you do love me, but what difference does it make? I can't go "home" with you," Kylo said.

"Well, no, but you could promise me that you will leave the dark side behind you and we can find some peaceful, faraway planet to live on, to build a new life together." You weren't sure where the idea had come from. You missed home and wanted to see your family, but you also felt like you were ready to lead your own independent life. And you loved Kylo. The only way you could have him was for you two to find yourself somewhere to live that was out of the way of the Resistance and the First Order. You were willing to make that sacrifice, remove yourself from your family to try mend Kylo's heart and help him get on with a new life with you. You were willing to take the risk. You knew it wasn't going to be easy, but you also knew you were strong and you could feel your love was stronger.

"If only it was that easy… You're not the one whose soul has been consumed by the dark side, you don't know how difficult it is to leave it behind," Kylo said, his voice quiet. He was clearly pondering on your suggestion, though he was a pessimist by heart. He couldn't believe it was so simple, so easy, for him to leave behind Snoke and his destiny. He couldn't believe that he could actually have you, he, a monster, someone who deserved no love. He was certain that something would stop it, even if it was what he wanted.

"That is why I can help you. Because I have no connection to the dark side. I am ready to forgive you for your past mistakes and to help you build a new self," you assured.

"You deserve better than a life with a broken man. A broken man who has the ability to hurt the one he loves the most," Kylo insisted.

"But I don't want better. I want you and love you, there is nothing better out there for me than to be able to share my life and my light with you."

"Your faith in me is extraordinary."

"I know you care about me and I know you're not completely lost to the dark side, so of course I have faith in you. I have faith that you can abandon the dark side, even if no one had ever been able to do that before. You're strong and the light in you is stronger than perhaps you yourself realise… Why else would you have saved me and left with me in the first place?"

Kylo fell silent for a moment. He was thinking back to your words. You sounded so passionate, so convinced. It was difficult to argue that you didn't care for him; it was clear to him now that for some bizarre reason your heart had grown attached to him. He wished that he could feel as convinced that he could just leave his destiny behind him to start a new life with you. But he knew that the dark side would always haunt him, so it was more difficult for him to believe he could ever be truly happy, let alone make someone else happy.

"I do care for you. You are an extraordinary girl; so full of conviction, strength and light, I can't help but admire you. I find it incredible that you are willing to abandon everything to go with me, when I have never even confessed my love to you," Kylo spoke, clearly in awe of you.

"I thought you might need more time to come to terms with such feelings, let alone to confess them," you said.

"I do love you. Your light has taken a firm place in my heart and I have not sought to extinguish it, even though I should, because I will just hurt you…"

"So you will give me a chance to take you away from the dark side, won't you? You're not heading towards my home planet anymore, I can see it from here, you know," you said with a small smile.

"I feel it would be stupid of me to refuse when you clearly want to do this and I do want you. Maybe you will able to heal my soul. You did heal my body already. But I won't give you any false hope; it will be tough."

"I know. But I can be tough too."


End file.
